The Greatest of Giftings

I am the Gift of Christmas Present.  It is my decree, as a small plush god, that all mankind shall take joy in my existings.

Magnificently do I fit in my holiday basket, do I not?

Monitors the Situations

I must needs to monitor the usage of the computers.  I must not allows My People to view the anathemas that may be picturing on the internets.

My People shall be forbidden to look at the hairless kitties or the naked mole rats and the other abominations which are the purrnographics.

I Make the Claims

My People may cease to make the pokings at my places of warms.

Yes, I did have made the pictures on the screens to depart.  I will make my sleeps here, and My People is dismissed.

Waits for the Foods

My People bestow upon me the foods which they have prepared for my eatings.  My People also bestow upon me the foods which they have prepared for their own eatings.

My People discourage my seatings by the preparings, but I am the small plush god, and I sits where I chooses, and I waits for the foods.

Garden for Basking

Though the outsidings of the house have been fouled with the abominations that are the ices and the snows, My People have planted for me the plantings of the plants.  I bask in the shine of the artificial sunlight which My People have placed above the growing things for my pleasure.

For this pathetic act of worship, I will overlook the failure of My People to make the outsidings suitable for my majesty.

The Comforts and The Affections

My People enters the castle of my domain with the distresses in its face.  My People has come to wash the substances which are foreign out of its eyes, which is domestic.  I must will to comfort and assist My People while it leans across my sinkings to make its cleansings.

I bestow upon My People the comforts and the affections, and My People is healed.

The Centers of the Attentions Are Belonging to Me

I will be in the middles of the rooms, that My People may gaze upon the magnificences that is myself, and they shall be filled with all the joys.

I am at night on the round table.